40 thoughts on turning 40

I’m 40 years old today and it really doesn’t bother me one bit, it’s just a number – albeit a more distinguished one than 39 ;) But I wrote down a few things, mostly for myself but also for my kids and family. So without further ado here are 40 things about turning 40, and like Baz Luhrmann once said: “My advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience… I will dispense this advice now”.

  1. Every time you get sick it feels like this might be it. The final curtain call.
  2. Try to learn something new every day, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. For instance, do you know what Kummerspeck is?
  3. Young people of today – pull up your damn pants.
  4. Bad decisions make great stories.
  5. I still take immense pleasure in watching loud and obnoxious people (especially kids) fail and/or hurt themselves.
  6. There is no way to properly fold at fitted sheet.
  7. Don’t worry if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting 40-year olds I know still don’t.
  8. The sun is scary.
  9. Learn to say no.
  10. Take a day off and do nothing. It will be everything you had hoped it would be.
  11. No one, and I mean no one, likes the dude that brings a guitar to the party.
  12. I have come to realize that there are people in the world I will never see or talk to again.
  13. Watching your parents grow significantly older is scary.
  14. Family first, always.
  15. Have and keep heroes or role models. But for the love of God don’t let those be horrible, evil people like Kris Jenner or anyone from a TV-show who are famous for being famous.
  16. Having a man-cold only gets worse with age.
  17. But nothing is worse than a stomach flu, especially when you, your spouse and your kids have it at the same time. If your relationship survives that you can do anything.
  18. New music presented to me always seem like blunt plagiarism of music I’ve listened to for 25 years.
  19. … And I wore those outfits 25 years ago too.
  20. Be appreciative to people you care about. It means a lot to someone if you tell them how much you care. Sincere compliments is something people take with them.
  21. Drunks handling fire crackers eventually get what they deserve.
  22. I love the Swedish Public Broadcasting company, SVT. They make excellent tv-shows in the same mould as BBC.
  23. Say ’sorry’, ’pardon?’, ’please’, and ’thank you’.
  24. I feel closer to my 25-year old colleagues than they do to me.
  25. Bacon is still delicious after 40 years.
  26. My God, I’m just at 26?
  27. I will never love any new musicians as much as I love The Clash, Ramones, Jesus and Mary Chain, Joy Division, Pink Floyd, or David Bowie.
  28. 75% of everything you do is unimportant. Learn to let go.
  29. Listen to your children, spouse and family. Ask questions.
  30. Floss.
  31. A group of loud youths scare me, they are probably trouble.
  32. What you want is probably not what you need. Learn the difference.
  33. Keep a few vices. Moderation seem to be scarce. I have seen 12,000 diets, health scares, danger foods, and workout regimes. A glass of wine won’t kill you, nor will that burger.
  34. Even though there are expiration dates on some friendships, new one will come when you least expect it.
  35. Your impressive vocabulary will always outmuscle impressive abs.
  36. Don’t wear shorts in the city, and fellas: Put on a shirt.
  37. Noises – Eventually you will make noises/grunts when you’re getting out of the car, or getting up from the couch.
  38. Always be suspicious of people with an unhealthy emotional attachment to their job.
  39. If you just take away one thing from this list, let it be this: Do good shit because then good shit will happen. Otherwise, it will hit the fan. Shit.
  40. As it would turn out, writing 40 items in a list is quite the feat.

Truths for mature humans

  1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
  2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
  3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
  4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
  5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
  7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
  10. Bad decisions make good stories.
  11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
  12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection… again.
  13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear i did not make any changes to.
  14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this — ever.
  15. I hate it when I just misses a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? **** it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
  16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
  17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
  19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
  20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
  21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
  22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
  23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
  24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
  25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
  26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
  27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
  28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
  29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
  30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
  31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey — but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!